Newcastle 0 Brighton 2, FA Cup, 1986, remembered

Brighton fans of my age (49) will fondly remember Albion's incredible cup run of 1983  which took us all the way to Wembley.   The first victory in that remarkable year was a 1- 0 triumph in a midweek replay at Newcastle's St James Park.  In 2012 and 2013, Albion beat Newcastle again in the same competition.  It would seem that the Seagulls have some kind of hoodoo over the Magpies when it comes to the FA Cup. 

In 1986, Albion were also drawn against Newcastle in the third round of the competition.  Then as now, Newcastle were in the top flight and Albion were in the upper half of the second tier of English football.  Newcastle could boast players of the calibre of Peter Beardsley and Paul Gascoigne.  Albion's outstanding player at that time was Dean Saunders.

The game was played on a very cold Saturday, 4th January.  Snow lay on the ground and I feared a postponement as I made the long journey up north to Tyneside.   Fortunately, my fears were misplaced and the game kicked off as scheduled.  Albion did not have a large following that day but the fans were in good voice and soon they had every reason to be happy with their team's performance.

The opening goal was netted in the first half from short range by Eric Young. The photograph above was taken shortly after the goal was scored.  For most of the remainder of the match, Newcastle seemed to be constantly besieging the Brighton goal.  I lost count of the number of corners that Newcastle won.  Nevertheless, Brighton seemed to be coping well with the pressure and after a while I began to think that the Seagulls would return to Sussex with a win.  This belief was confirmed near the end of the game when Dean Saunders collected the ball on the left side and beat the goalkeeper with a fine effort from outside of the penalty area.  The last few minutes of the game were played out without any serious scares and the final whistle was greeted by Albion's players and fans with jubilation.

The win at Newcastle was the launching pad for a fine cup run. Albion played the away cup games in an all red "lucky" strip that season.  Hull were dispatched 3-2 in an exciting game at Boothferry Park in the 4th round with Terry Connor bagging a brace and Dean Saunders scoring Albion's other goal.  The 5th round match at Peterborough was another game played in the snow.  A 2-2 draw was fought out in abysmal conditions and the Seagulls triumphed 2-1 in the replay at the Goldstone.  The end came in the quarter final at home against Southampton.  It was sad that such a great run should come to an end against one of the old enemies but I still have happy memories of that spring when for a while it looked that the Seagulls could repeat the heroics of '83 and possibly even go one step further.

A Victorian comedy reviewed: "Aunt Jane's Jalap" by Richard Marsh

Richard Marsh is mainly remembered, today, for his gothic horror novel, “The Beatle“. However, he wrote many entertaining short stories in addition to his longer more surreal tales. One of my favourites is “Aunt Jane’s Jalap”.


I have to admit that when I began reading this story I would not have known a jalap if it had slapped me round the face, bowed and formally introduced itself. A quick perusal of the Oxford dictionary informed me that a jalap was a purgative made from a Mexican vine of the genus Ipomoea purga. So there you are. I am a little better informed about the flora of central America than before I started to read the book.

Quack medicines, of course, were very popular in the Victorian age. There were virtually no controls on the claims that could be made for “medicines” of even the most dubious provenance. Into this questionable market, Mr Hughes and the narrator, George Lucas, decide to launch their own restorative, “Aunt Jane’s Jalap”.

The name, “Aunt Jane’s Jalap” was dreamt up by our two would be entrepreneurs. Hughes decided to use the name of his old nurse as such a title was likely to be trusted by elderly nineteenth ladies. It was questionable if anyone would buy a product bearing the name of the gentlemen to whom we are introduced.

Mr Hughes and Mr Lucas decide they need testimonials for their new cure-all. They decide to introduce “Aunt Jane’s Jalap” at a dinner party to be held with George’s lady friend, Margaret, her aunt Mrs Chalmers and a mutual friend, Mr Pybus. Pybus rapidly proves himself a most sarcastic character and a good judge of the merits of the new concoction.

During the course of the dinner, George raises the subject of the jalap and its supposed virtues. Pybus makes a series of entertaining and disparaging comments about the effectiveness of the remedy. After a while, a bottle of the jalap is produced and measures poured for the four people present. Despite the serious reservations of Mrs Chalmers and Mr Pybus, a full glassful is imbibed by all. The effects are immediate and unfortunate for the assembled party as discomfort and illness rapidly take hold.

The unpleasant effects of drinking the jalap rapidly become more pronounced. George asks Mrs Chalmers if there is anything he can do for her in her discomfort. Pybus mischievously suggests that he fetches another bottle of the remedy.

At this unfortunate juncture, Hughes re-enters the story. He accosts George and informs him that he may have given him a bottle of laudanum by mistake instead of the jalap. Both become very alarmed, as one might expect, at the prospect of a wine glass of poison being quaffed by everyone present. Doctors are called and in the meantime George tries to get the ladies to dance to maintain their circulation and to keep their spirits up. This ruse meets with only limited success.

Various doctors make their appearance and after adding to the comedy, they eventually cure the patients. George coolly observes that the servant charged with seeking a doctor had “fetched as many as he could. There were not one or two, but several. I have their bills.”

At the end of the story, the doctors inspect the offending bottle and rapidly notice that it does not smell of laudanum. Hughes realises that he has made another mistake and has inflicted a horrendous regime of Victorian treatment on everyone for no reason at all. The bottle did contain jalap but it was one of Hughes’s incorrectly measured test samples of jalap rather than the final product that he had given to George by mistake.

There is no record of whether the assembled party gives “Aunt Jane’s Jalap” a positive testimonial but it would seem unlikely.

I have attempted to outline the main details of the story in this article but have probably failed to convey the humour that Richard Marsh manages to write into the tale. I would thoroughly recommend “Aunt Jane’s Delap” as an entertaining short story written by a very underrated author. The tale is one of a collection of stories entitled “Amusement Only” and can be found on Project Gutenberg at http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/38188

Oakhill, Horsham: The 1970s and Now

On the last Saturday of every November, Collyers school stages a reunion for former pupils. Despite moving to Sheffield from Horsham in 1981, I have become a regular attendee at this most enjoyable annual event. My most recent visit prompted me to wonder how my old route to school from my former home on Comptons Lane had changed since the 1970s. My visits for the reunion had never involved travelling any further than the short walk from the Station Hotel down Hurst Road to Collyers.


The Sunday morning after the annual reunion saw me setting off from the Station hotel on my journey, suitably reinvigorated by the hotel’s “Eat as much as you like breakfast”. Dodging the traffic and the persistent drizzle, I entered the station.

I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised but the station itself had been transformed. Gone was the Henfield Taxi office and in its place was a much larger concourse complete with electronic departure boards and places to eat and drink. The dividing fence and the ticket collector’s office on the bridge had also been removed and it was necessary to negotiate an electronic ticket barrier at the Station Road entrance. Fortunately, this barrier was open as I had no ticket to present to the machine or to any enthusiastic ticket collector.

In the 1970s, a concrete panel wall was sited to the right of the entrance. This prevented any view of the station. It was good to see that this had been removed and replaced with railings which afforded a view of the station and gave the area a much more open appearance. A series of cycle racks were now in evidence - Perhaps indicative of a more health conscious age or a sign that the service on the Horsham - Oakhill circular bus route is even more irregular than it had been thirty five years ago.

The first disappointment of my walk was to see that the old newsagent on Station Road had been converted into a house. Unfortunately, the disappearance of most of the shops that I so fondly remembered from my childhood will become a feature of this story. In the meantime, there was some good news in that the external appearance of the Bedford Hotel was a lot more inviting than the stark and undecorated facade of days gone by.

Trudging on in the rain, I reached the junction of Barrington road and New Street. The delightful bakery on Barrington Road had gone to be replaced by a wine shop. I still have fond memories of the cakes and rolls that I bought in the old bakery during the long summer holidays.

My next port of call was Oakhill Road itself. One of the Baptist chapels had permanently closed its doors and the chemist had been extended into the former sweet shop at the corner of Burford Road. I was beginning to wonder where a boy or indeed a man of 49 years was supposed to buy sweets in Oakhill these days. No worries, I thought - It was not far to Oakhill Stores.

The junction of Elm Grove and Oakhill Road was soon reached but no Oakhill Stores was to be seen. Yet again, I was presented with another residential property. It was almost impossible to believe that this had once had been a popular convenience store. At one time, I recall there was a cigarette machine outside the shop which tempted schoolboys with the delights of ten Piccadilly and ten Number 6.

By this stage, I had become a little downhearted by the loss of so many shops in the area. It came as no great surprise when I found the two former adjoining shops on Highlands Road had also undergone the inevitable conversion to residential properties. Probably all these corner shops could not compete with the supermarkets but it made me a little sad to think that the children of today could not just pop round the corner for a bottle of Corona lemonade or two ounces of chocolate limes.

The final part of my nostalgic journey was the stretch up Highlands road to Comptons Lane. Today, this was a pleasant stroll but back in the 1970s it was bandit country for Collyers school boys. It would be fair to say that there was no much love lost between the pupils of Collyers and the Forest schools. I was regularly on the receiving end of taunts such as the very unoriginal “Collysprout” which appeared to be the favourite cry of some of the Forest lads when a Collyers boy came into sight. For the most part, there was no serious trouble but I was always glad when the two Forest schools were behind me and home was in sight.

Home was in Comptons Lane and I spent a few moments looking at the place which held so many memories. Much had changed but the concrete drive that I had helped my dad lay in the seventies was still there. After all these years it was spalling a little at the edges but then I suppose so am I.